I have demons in me.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
