I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
