it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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