Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
