i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
