a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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