I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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