I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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