Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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