My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
