We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
