Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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