you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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