I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
