Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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