In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
