seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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