yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
