thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
