you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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