i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
