mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
