Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
