her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
