its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
