the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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