Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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