thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
