the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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