but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
