Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
