omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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