I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
