do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
