No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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