You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
