you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
