sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
