Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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