This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Randomize
