I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize