He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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