Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
