the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
