well you can't waste a boner
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
