So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
