Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize
