I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
