I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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