Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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