Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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