Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
