3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
