I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
