I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
