sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Kiss
Puke
I haven't been this sober since birth.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
