boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
