Only a mothe r could love this liver
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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