Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
