JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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