Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
