dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
love makes seman taste better
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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