I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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