that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize