so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
