He is such a slut. More and more my type.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
