Just cropdusted the office
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
im on a boat
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