my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize