the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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