YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We had sex on a dog bed..
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize