I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
