i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Holy shit dude........stairs
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
