Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
