I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He keeps bees of course he's weird
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
