I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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