I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
