I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
