I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize