After last night, I could never be a politician.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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