No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
