Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
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