I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
