you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Randomize
