He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
