Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
