Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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