Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
