Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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