i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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