No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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