I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
