you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize