my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I got inside last night via doggy door
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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