You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I have already put on my inside pants.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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