I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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