I skipped work to stalk him.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
