i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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