They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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