then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
