Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
